A R I A D N E / / K A P S A L I
Winter. Energy levels medium to low. Dark evenings, cold mornings. Endless mugs of herbal tea. Cozy blankets. Reading. Snuggles. Slow cooked food. Cinnamon scents. A slower pace.
Reflection. Reflection. Reflection.
That’s all I can say.
It took me a while to realise that 2014 is coming to an end. The end of the year came too quickly, too suddenly and I’ve felt unprepared. It caught me off guard. There I was, full on planning mode, excited about my projects, creativity sparks going off everywhere, and then BAM all of a sudden, I stop. Full stop. Something tells me not to make any more plans, not to push any further. I see where I am going, and I’m ready, but I don’t want to get there yet. I’m being held back, pulled back.
Something is saying: there is more to be done here, my darling.
I had not anticipated this pause. I took a break in the summer to get married. I allowed myself a break from the blog, from teaching, from working out my future goals. It was justified and time limited and it ended in September. I came back with sparkly eyes and a heart full of hope. And I wrote post, after post, after post. I brainstormed ideas and filled notebooks with workshop plans and retreat breakdowns. I took risks and aimed high. I felt great!
November was a month of travel. Switzerland, Greece and Poland. Me time became non-existent and I lost my balance. I feel I’ve just been spat out of a time machine I entered at the end of October. Now I’m already late for Christmas! I’m being asked to pause and regroup and I will obey. One of my desires is to connect to my wisdom, that voice inside me that knows what’s good for me and can call me up on my own bullshit. And my gut is telling me that now is a time for reflection. 2014 has been one crazy motherfu(beep)! It’s truly been a rollercoaster year. My brain is aching from all my plans for 2015, but I can’t start fresh without clearing out the old. I feel massive shifts are taking place and I want to make space for these transitions. I feel a need to clear out, clean out, wipe out. I want to enter dark corners, places inside me I know I’ve been protecting out of fear. It’s time for them to get some light in.
My process for clearing out involves::
My beautiful coach Megan reminded me of this and I’ve introduced it in my routine for the past couple of weeks. I wake up early, burn a candle, take out my journal and write whatever comes to mind. Three pages of pure stream of consciousness. The stuff that comes out? Sometimes pure genius, but mostly pure crap. But the point is not to write literature. Morning pages is a quick way to release those repetitive thoughts, the negative self talk, the silly little things that keep holding you back. Writing it down without filtering it is like clearing out your mind of pointless chatter.
Want to know more about morning pages? Morning pages is a technique in The Artist’s Way – A spiritual path to higher creativity, by Julia Cameron.
Right after my morning pages, I sit on my bolster and focus on my breath for 15-20 minutes. I use a bell timer on my phone (one available through the Headspace app) to bring me back. I find these few minutes of stillness in the morning have not only kept me sane through the ups and downs of daily life, but are also a great place to get to know my inner self and let go of ego-thoughts and fears.
Reassessing my health, diet + habits
You might have read that I’ve been going through various experimentation periods trying to find the best way to support my body and general wellbeing through my eating habits. My diet has recently been quite chaotic, probably mirroring every other aspect of my life. December is the month I’m reviewing what is happening in my body, looking at habits that are no longer in alignment with who I am and coming up with a plan for the new year. I’m educating myself through speaking to various nutritionists and food bloggers, naturopaths and alternative therapists, as well as reading various books on food, health and the link with mood and general wellbeing.
Reflecting on my relationships, my life balance + my long terms plans
Over the next few weeks I’m going to be asking lots of questions and working through the answers. It’s a period for exploring, reviewing, redefining. My values, desire, vision + dreams.
What do I want my life to feel like?
What do I want to spend my days doing?
What areas of my life I am not showing up for?
What excuses can I work through now?
What blockages can I identify in my life?
What has been limiting me? What can I let go of?
Watch this space as I use the blog as a sounding board for my end of year reflections. I hope my process will trigger you to pause and use this time to do the same.
//A closing note on expectations:
Ask questions. Invite curiosity. Openness. Acceptance.
But don’t expect this process to be life changing. If you’ve never done something similar, maybe it will trigger some small changes and some bigger ones. Maybe it will just encourage you to look at your life more. Maybe all it will do is make you realise you need more clarity.
That’s all absolutely fine.
What we want is to increase awareness; bring light to those areas we need to work on and let go of these things that don’t nourish us any more to end the year with our eyes and hearts wide open.
++Let’s do this. Leave me a comment below + tell me what will you be doing to end 2014. What do you need to let go of? What are you reflecting on?
Much love xx
Image credit: Sonja Langford, Unsplash.