A R I A D N E / / K A P S A L I
Yesterday was a new moon. I’m fairly new to following the significance of the moon cycles, but this past year I have surrender to the knowing that the energy inside me is no different to the energy around me. This is not a lesson in spirituality or woo woo business. I have no interest in convincing anyone because simply this is not something you understand, it is something you feel.
The new moon is a perfect time to set new intentions. Of course you can set intentions at any point, but there is something about setting an intention at the beginning of the moon cycle that gives your intention greater power. This new moon is symbolic in my life right now. As I enter the last full week at my job, where I have been for the past 4 years, I am reaching the end of a path I’ve been walking on for almost a decade. A career in psychological therapy has always been a big part of who I am. Being a psychologist is my identity, what gives me credibility even in circles that feel intimidating: it has been a shield and a sword. I have loved it and I have doubted it, over and over again.
The new moon marks the beginning of a new stage where I take a turn and start forging a new path. It is much wilder and less walked on; there are less road signs and definitely no traffic wardens. It is darker in many ways, but I know that it leads to a sunlit clearing. I don’t know when, and you know what, that’s fine. What allows me to take my first steps over the branches and rocks on the way, is in fact the amalgamation of all the work I’ve put into developing my skills, my experience and most importantly myself. These steps might feel unsteady and uneasy, but there is conviction in my stride because I have a backpack full of tools. I’ve been on this path for a long time albeit only realised it once I turned the corner.
Sometimes we don’t know where we’re going and that’s bloody scary. We are not designed for uncertain territory, as not knowing shakes us from the inside. It is tempting to freak out and run for cover. I can’t tell you how much resolve it takes not to start desperately applying for jobs I don’t want to do. I’m resisting because I have not even started yet. Fear will tempt us to retract and opt for safety, but there are times when that is simply not an option. Taking this right now would mean I don’t even give myself a chance to try. It’s like accepting runner up position without starting the race. How sad would that be?
The reality is most of the time we don’t know how things will turn out, but we kid ourselves by making plans. That’s part of life, making plans and pretending we are in control, because loosening the grip is so utterly terrifying we can’t face it. I know I recently said we are in charge of our life and I mean that. But that doesn’t change the fact that anything could happen tomorrow and turn the world upside down. I am not even referring to disasters and wars and crises here; I am talking about the Universe having other plans for us which we could simply not imagine.
How boring would it be if you could plan your whole life, every single moment of it, knowing that it would turn out exactly as you think? As seductive as that sounds, I know I could not live in this way.
If my life was limited by my own perception of what is possible, it would be an utter snooze fest. Seriously. Think of all the things that have changed in the world in your lifetime; the internet, travel, communication, relationships, food, fashion. Think of all the ways life has surprised you with her tricks. I bet you could not have imagined half of these life transformative experiences and yes, maybe some of them you could live without. The point is life is unpredictable and that’s the beauty of it.
My intention for this new phase is to take better, much better, care of myself: my body, my mind and my soul. I have worked myself so hard since I can remember. Being in transition means stepping up self care – majorly. It means showing up for myself more than ever before. Looking out for cues and acting with purpose. I don’t believe in the bootcamp mentality, I absolutely hate someone screaming at me while I am in pain. I also don’t believe in screaming at my fears and scaring my insecurities away while I desperately try to avert disaster. No – just no. For me, kindness is my core desired feeling for this period: showing kindness towards my head when it’s spinning with worries of the future; kindness towards my body when it’s tight and achy from inactivity; kindness towards my heart when it’s trying to show me what’s good for me.
Kindness has more power in fuelling change, than fear tactics do. Believe me.
Are you holding on a little too tight perhaps? Can you let go a little and trust in the unpredictability of things?
What if you were right where you’re supposed to be? What would that mean for you?
How can you be kinder to yourself? What small act can you choose today to act with kindness towards yourself or those around you?