A R I A D N E / / K A P S A L I
I’m writing to you from paradise. I’m sitting at a café on a beach in a small Greek island, drinking coffee and looking at the Mediterranean sea. There is a kind breeze every now and again, which makes the heat pleasant. My man, my sister and my friends are sunbathing a few meters away from me, dipping in and out of the water. This is the definition of holiday in my world and it is perfect.
It hit me yesterday. I knew it of course, but yesterday, I was listening to the Good Life podcast series by Jonathan Fields and he was interviewing Natalie Sisson about what it’s really like to build a location-independent business. It was a pure bliss moment and I remember it clearly: I was looking into the horizon, all around me endless blue and I thought: In 4 weeks I am leaving my job and I feel a new sense of freedom. Leaving my job is symbolic: I am leaving everything I know behind and beginning a brand new chapter. The details of the chapter are still relatively unknown, even to me. What really hit me though was the realisation that I am now living what I wish to create. Today, as I write to you from the beach, I am also coaching a handful of clients; I’ve launched the updated version of the Bliss Sessions starting in September in London and about to set up further weekly yoga classes. My meditation course is being polished and packaged into two versions, a free audio module series and a further in depth self-study course. In the next few weeks I will be sharing more details about my new in-person group coaching program (which unbelievably is half full already from the expressions of interest I’ve received!). Behind the scenes, I am working with two uber-talented friends of mine, a designer and a copywriter, who are helping me update my online home, as I prepare to transcend from my baby blog Yoga & Other Stories into creating a humble home for my coaching and yoga services. I am embracing the change by shifting into ariadnekapsali.com, which is frankly a very scary move.
I am not saying all of this to brag. I am also not even at a stage to jump full time into my business. As I leave my job in Psychology in the National Health Service, I am making space for this part of me to unfold in ways I simply cannot predict. The story of me deciding to leave the safety of the system and career path I have followed and known for more than a decade is going to inhabit another post. For now, I wanted to share with you the realisation that actually, even if you’re not where you want to be and in fact even if you don’t know exactly where you want to get to, there is something about creating opportunities for you to feel and attract what you want, right in this moment. I’ve been on holiday for the past week now and as my body is releasing the stress and intensity of having 2 jobs and preparing for the biggest change to date, I understand the symptoms I am noticing are those of stepping out of the beaten track:
The sense that I could be working more, I should be writing, I should be recording, I should somehow be developing my business more and more now that I have more time.
The fear that comes with acknowledging my next paycheck is the last remainder of my identity as an employee and beyond that I am not really sure exactly how things will turn out.
The thrill of knowing my finances and career trajectory are now completely dependent on my creative and entrepreneurial abilities.
The thing is recognising that you are 100% responsible for how your life unfolds is key. Of course this does not mean you are 100% in control of what happens. Rather you get to choose how you live and therefore how you act when life throws you the unexpected. I heard somewhere that in relationship arguments, the dynamic is usually focused around fighting to prove who is the biggest victim and thus assuming the position of power by showing how the victim has been ill-treated. Rather than focusing on solving the issue at hand or resolving the miscommunication, arguments grow into a separate entity that revolves around finding excuses for not taking responsibility. When I look at this from my own point of view, I can see how this has been a pattern in most of my life and not just in relationships. Playing the victim, whether consciously or unconsciously, will ensure that you can continue to play small because things happened to you. Your parents got divorced; you got fired; you inherited a big butt… We all have a story that we can keep using as reason why we are not living our full potential and often we are unable to see it as that. It is too painful, too raw to acknowledge and feels impossible to part from it because it keeps us in the safe zone and that is completely understandable. The thing is however, if you decide to change the status quo, you will be called to look at these stories more closely because they are the ones that will either empower you or destroy you.
In 4 weeks, I am changing my life and my stories are now haunting me. I am freaking out, I am scared to my core and I am tempted to bolt. I am so close to giving up and heading back for the safety of monthly salaries and systems. I am constantly questioning my ability to ‘pull this off’. And as I write this I am physically unwell, which I am interpreting as an upper limit problem (thank you Gay Hendricks). ‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ is on repeat. But you know what? At the same time, I have never felt as empowered and at peace as I am feeling right now. Along with the fear of taking a leap of faith, I feel a trust in myself that I have not known before. A trust that I can contribute to the world in new ways, that I can do good work, I can offer value and build something meaningful – in my own terms. A trust I can adjust course of action when I need to, I can learn the lessons I need to learn from the mistakes I will inevitably make. A trust I have nothing to prove to anyone and therefore I can give myself permission to experiment and play.
It is strange, this feeling of calm. I am excited and settled. I am doing this NOW. 4 weeks is when this journey will be evident to everyone else, but the truth is this change happened inside me a long time ago. In this trip I woke up to realise that it is the transitions that teach us and provide the ground for powerful growth and not getting to where we think we’re going. It is this phase that is preparing me for what will come. There is no way of knowing what will come in reality and all I can do is do my best to get out of my own way, right now.
I will close with a word of thanks to you, for being here. I see you, I hear you and I definitely feel you. Thank you for allowing me to explore safely and openly.